The end of my worries, the beginning of something good.

The beginning of a novel, the end of a dream...

2006-07-27T01:12:00.000+08:00

Lips of an angel

The story is about a boy and a girl. The boy, one who wanted life just to go like everyone else’s, the girl was the same. They were the best match, no one could say otherwise. But like they say, one could never be with the one person they truly love…..

He never really had what he called his ideal life. By the age of 17 he just about experienced life in the lowest point possible, yet again and again he pushed on, never giving up, with the hope that there was a good time, something wonderful coming his way.

He was tall, not the best looking of the lot, people said he had good character, and sometimes they just enjoyed the company. He was the most sociable of the lot, he just started his first year in the local polytechnic/ college, pursuing his diploma in a course he wasn’t even qualified for, but yes, it was a good one, one a lot of people had a tough time getting into.

There came a point in his life when he had to give up, everything. It was for the better, he was a monster, a sinner and a “boy”, suffering made him the man who stood before her today.

He wasn’t really interested in love before, he had the responsibilities that a normal 17 year old would die handling. But in his heart he desires, for someone to love, to hold. A person to say “I Love You”, when he was alone, something a family could not give, because it was a special love, a love for someone apart from family. He wanted her to make him feel as if someone else at that very moment was thinking about him.

He had many friends; one which he really was the closest too was his long time and best friend, Ruben. They were what we could call, the inseparable duo. No matter what the situation was they were side by side, all the way. Through hard times he was always there for him, and now, one thing stood between them, a girl. Now he was alone, and he felt it.

She cried, he couldn’t do nothing, would anyone understand the pain he went through, seeing the person he cared for, the person he loved cry, on his shoulder. The truth was they weren’t that much different. In fact, they both led lives alike, but only they knew how it felt, the joy they had from making others happy, the smile on the faces of friends and family gave them some joy, it was better than nothing.

All he knew at that moment, he loved her so much. Did she see it? He cried inside so hard, he heard her heart, beat in his ears and he shared the tears of her eyes, as if it were his, the feeling he could not explain, never would he be able to do that.

What happened after he cried and he prayed, and he still didn’t know what was wrong. He felt her pain, because it was his pains, the tears made his heart feel, once again, something he had promised never to do, disappointment after disappointment, one Love he searched his world for but could not find, was know on his shoulders, crying. Tears on his fingers, he kissed them, and he could taste, feel, the pain. The pain, which he did not know what off, but was something, he had before. For once he knew, in his heart how I felt to be in Love, he didn’t let her go, in fact, his love for her only grew, and it only hurt him more, to think about pushing her away.

Was there any word to describe the feeling of love, never, not ever? It was a word that was never explained, because of its complexity. And now, for once in his life, he had the answer, on his shoulder.
She had a secret, something that he had sensed from the beginning, something he thought he could handle, but when he looked into, her beautiful brown eyes, all he saw was pain, something he had already gone through, something he couldn’t bear to see her take. It hurt her inside, so bad,

He wrote her a letter, trying, to somehow, do something, just to let her know how much, how deeply in love he really was with her.

Sorry sweetheart, I care about you so much that I couldn’t keep you up so long. I really wanted to know something, if u didn’t meet him would u have been with me? Right now, the major pain I’m feeling is why I didn’t find you sooner. I want you to know that I love you, and even if you wouldn’t have, I would have really got to you no matter what it took.
Just wanted u should know that, sometimes I wish, something magical would happen, like a fairy tale, where I could just sweep you of your feet and take you in my arms far away. And I guess I still have the hope that one day, I might be with you, no matter what you say to the girl you want to be with, you love her, and you would do anything to get her, even take all the pain.

She made it so hard to be faithful, to his promise, to be friends. That was something they both wanted because it wasn’t easy to let go, to let go of what they both could have had. What happened after, he wanted to control, but could he?

The dilemma; he found the girl of his dreams, the one he wanted to be with. He loves her, and he knows even though she denies it, she does too. They were separated by one person, something he now blamed himself for.
Questions ran through his head, why won’t she just come to me now? Why didn’t I find her sooner, but he didn’t want her to leave her boyfriend, because he knew that he got to her first, and he cared about her. What was he, what could he ever be to her.

That was why that night, he looked up at the stars and he wondered, he wondered until he finally saw…. What he saw, we shall not say, not for now at least….

Hey, been awhile im back, and i feel like a kid again...

2006-06-30T00:34:00.001+08:00

ZOO!!

No i am not kidding, i swear my first trip, to the night safari, i had "THE" best time i have ever had since i came to this god forsaken country.
It was cool, went with my church counterpart. Wondering why, i calleth him my, "counterpart". His name is Mark.
No its not lame, accept it, its the way i think.

Going on i found the worlds biggest rip off, yeah, and it has a catchy restaurant name, "BONGO BURGER". I like the name, first we laughed our freaking heads off, then later on we actually found out that it was named after an animal, a bongo, looks like a fat donkey with horns (yeah, now laugh).
Thinking about it now, that burger didnt taste like beef........

And now my story begins, but i think we'll skip the boring parts, and get to the juicy one. It goes like this. I forced mark to walk all the way across the zoo to see the bush baby right and we get there almost 2 hours later yeah, all tired but i mean, its a bushbaby (freaking cute).
We get there and the container or "display cabinet" is empty so i say to myself. Hey why dont we say a small prayer.
I start with the prayer and i go;

Dear God, pls make one of those bushbabies come out, we walked all the way, and you know i am with good company, will you please send one out, pretty please...

And then I promised ill let alot of people know how faithful you are in answering prayers. So as I go on mark sees me and he goes, dude, let me pray with you as well..

We pray, and we go on for about 3 minutes max and out of the blue, I look at the corner yeah, infront of jap tourist and an english couple, i mean i didnt really care. And from the corner guess what comes out? Yes, I shout hallelujah, a bush baby pops out the corner
And i'm like dear god and there we both stand petrified and we are like dude god is so cool.

And that wasnt the amazing part, here it comes. The littles one comes right up in front of us, i mean like 3 freaking centimetres, separated by a piece of glass. It gets closer has a bite to eat and drinks some water from little bowl. Then he jumps on a branch touching the window
and he sees me and mark on our knees and he looks me in the eye, as if he knows i asked for him. And it looks and looks with those eyes, he gets closer and he arches his little bottom up in the air and then i ask him;

"hey little one,wanna pop in my bag, or can i take a photo?"

And he looks at me , then mark and from the branch he jumps about 6 feet into the air and onto a branch and back into the dark.
I swear it was freakin amazing to find is in there, i mean it was a big tank, sorry "display cabinet", and one small little creature.

I even wrote this whole entry like a kid, my standard freaking dropped, well i guess i do feel like a kid again.....

AngeluS

Follow your heart..

2006-05-08T22:28:00.000+08:00

To the white rose, u aint a black rose, you bring smiles, happiness, not darkness or fear.

don't dwell in the past, it may haunt us, we all know it bites us back hard. There were, and are times in my life, when it comes back at me. It hits hard, and it affects what we do, for our future.

We could never love a person the same, it hurts too much to let go of the last person that made an impact on our life. They cant get out, people say let go, I say hold on, inside, one day, you'll forget them..

One wish, put things right, if only time will allow. There's so many things I want to say, but will it make a difference?, will it change the way you feel?

If you love him, hold him close, he doesn't have to know, not know, not till you are ready.

Drop the black rose, in the grave, bury it.

You have another rose, not in you, it is you, and its white, to the core.

You may never realize how special you are, until someone tells you, how much you really mean to them, how much they love you.

Follow your heart, keep you're wish, inside, hold on too it tight, never lose yourself in your feelings, I'm too afraid cause I have, I cant find myself again. If you do, only the person you truly love can take you out.

This is for you, rose amongst the thorns.

Hope you'll understand.

AngeluS- Angel In The Dark

Was it the end?

2006-04-29T02:26:00.000+08:00

Im only 17 I got loads of time. But do you really want to give up, after waiting for someone like that for 5 whole years, where there's never a day, where you feel somewhere in this globe is actually looking at the same star in the sky and wondering where you were.(eventhough they didn't know you)

There was always the chance of having someone for myself,but I never did, that's because I choose to believe that I only wanted to be with one girl in my life, and I thought I found her and I still think I do.

there's so many things I want to say but you know the position I am in,you know how she treats me now, even if I treat her as my friend we cannot hide the past, it will always haunt me and remind her.

Somewhere inside me I knew that it was too good to be true, how could we put things back to the way it was, when It was obvious that I was madly in love with that person.

She couldn't forget it, she didn't ignore me because she had a mood swing, she was frustrated. The way I acted, what was wrong, how would you feel if the person you loved just disappeared for almost a week. I missed her so much she could not even come close to figuring out.
In her absence I mentioned her name every 5 minutes. I thought about her all the time, she was always on my mind.
Everytime I felt her cry I brought me one step closer to my heart,just one more tear down my cheek.

I was just overjoyed to see her.

Yes it was a heartache and it always will be, but like Karl said life is never the way we want it.
Everytime I close my eyes I pray to the lord that I can be with her, even for a second, just a small chance, know what its like to be with the girl of my dreams.

We may never be together as one or even as friends, maybe its over, I guess it is......

Twas tis day

2006-04-23T22:10:00.000+08:00

When i realised that it was very deep, something i couldn't control anymore. Her grief brought tears to my eyes.
I dont care if he had her heart, she lost her smile, i lost mine.

Time?, will it heal this heart, I can only pray.

I can only pray for her while she cries, and my heart... where does it go...

Back to the dark, never will i open it up again, this is a promise.

Only she can,

twas tis day.

Never again,

The last breathe

Angelus- Angel In The Dark

She was just a girl in class, an ordinary girl.

2006-04-22T16:29:00.000+08:00

I couldn't believe myself, I broke my promise. "Never again will I fall in love". I didn't even know that I had done it.

"She was just a girl in class, an ordinary girl."

Nothing was appealing about her, except the fact that she sent a strange feeling. A message of grief. A look of distress.

"She was just a girl in class, an ordinary girl."

We finally spoke and she started to mix with us . I took her as a friend as she took me as a friend as well.
Deep inside, my heart longed for her, so much......., longed for someone like her.....

Yet I didn't know, she took my breath away with all her smiles, her personality and most of all. Her eyes. She had the eyes of an angel.

But,"She was just a girl in class, an ordinary girl."

She listened and she cared, I took it the wrong way, but why did I?

Is it the fact that I never had someone who showed care on this forsaken world?

She asked me, and that's when I realise how much she meant to me, I was madly in love, more than ever before. She was the one I was looking for, the years of waiting was over.

Now, "She was a girl in class, an extraordinary one."

After that, I couldn't even look into her eyes, I felt the pain, she belonged to someone else. Someone else had her heart, we could never be.

I cried till I could no more, I found her, but I could never be with her. But was it really love, we only knew each 4 days, that's what she probably felt.
But I say now, it was. Straight from the bottom of my heart, a dark cold place, now made warm, and empty.

I want her so badly, and I would wait till the end of time if I could. It was so deep. For now, how could I face her, how could I look into her eyes, how could I lie......
I never want to hurt her, I never wanted to confuse her. But the more I think about it, even if she had belonged to no one, would I have taken her.
She is the one I want to be with many years down the road, am I willing to screw up half way, and end up losing what I always wanted?, or do I just sit in the corner and watch the world go past. If I cant have her. Its ok, if she's happy then her smiles will bring to my heart, warmth. But her fears, her grief, her tears, it will tear me apart.

It hurts so much, too much.

Will I ever let her go?

One last breathe.

Angelus- Angel In the Dark

I found her

2006-04-15T01:13:00.000+08:00

She took my breath away, with her slender body and her soft skin took my breath away. She moved so fast and she took my breath away in a second. Left me speechless for moments at a time.

Dudes and dudettes, she aint no girl. She my acer aspire 5500z and I love her to the max. So hot. Yes I officially bought my laptop. April 14th good Friday. A day that will live in infamy.(just kiddin)

Anyways, this is one piece of solid hardware people. I mean I got a 256mb ati radeon 1300x graphic card and and 1 gb of ram. Shes purrfect.

Anyways don't want to write a laptop review. Firstly I gotta thank god for all the good things hes done for me. So thank you (ain't enough I know).

School. Starts on Monday. So far so cool, I mean made new friends, Karl, zul, farhan, nessa and samantha (tough cookie, but actually really soft in the centre, like one of those homemade choco-chip muffins). Karl, well funny and cool, and we are so gonna rock the class on Monday.
Apart from that Nessa wants the toilet all the time and she loves to attempt to murder me.
Farhan, zul. Kinda quiet, for now.

Another cool part, yes people, Ruben is in the same school as moi.( j'aime ).

And yeah guess that's all, got to turn in. Church tomorrow as well as Sunday, then MONDAY.
I mean it feels like going to school for the first time. (remember first day of primary school?)

Okay before I go on boring anyone further. Good night and god bless

AngeluS

I HAVE RETURNED

2006-04-01T12:37:00.000+08:00

Sorry faithful and unfaithful readers, I have been like major busy, and I mean major busy.
Well good news so far, dads recovering very fast and doing very well, business is pickin up, I mean I made my first 4 digits. Apart from there moving closer to god, the more prayers that I get answered.
I mean listen to this, I got posted to nanyang polytechnic but I didn't want to go there because of our sweet friend miss "tammy".

Anyways prayed real hard and a week later on the exact same day, I got an e-mail form another school. I was offered to study at republic polytechnic with an even better course, "Biotechnology" (so cool)

Anyways cant wait to start school, all I need to do is wait for my new laptop, don't have the money, but if one prayer was answered so can another one, I mean its only a matter of faith.

So, apart from that, lives good, and sometimes, too good to blog about. Now that school is starting I will blog more about social life in college, I mean, its going to be a big jump for me.

But luckily I got my big bro/dude Denny. (he's so cool)

Just a bit fearful of starting something which I don't have a clue about. But alas, I don't have to live the double life I once had when I was in secondary school. From now on, all will know the truth.

So I guess im off for now, gotta start a bit off prepatory study and for college as well as something for spiritual growth. ( people, im not going all religious but it's a good balance, trust me, I know)

Ciao

AngeluS

If life was a bed of roses.....

2006-02-28T22:40:00.000+08:00

I wanted to start this month in a different way and thanks to my good friend Miss Charlene, I can.

I have always had time at some point in the day where I just day dream, and the main question that goes through my mind is "What would my life have been like, if I had....." Its kind of like, "If life was a bed of roses, how would I be now, what would I be doing right now?".

My friend Denny tells me that its something that some people do and its a way of becoming a better person. See when we do this, we look at our past and though it may be scary at times, we will learn our mistakes.

Forgive me if I seem boring, im a bit rusty. Its been sometime since my last posting. Lots of things were going on in my head, and I had no peace. I got my heart broken, on the other hand, I found the new me.

I was into this girl, but I realised something as I was thinking about it. If she didn't get drunk and shout at me,I would have got hurt even more badly later on or maybe I would have fallen in love with a girl who had hated me to the gut, strangely she was nice to me.

Well in the case of my life there are so many things I thought off. I mean if we didn't lose everything, I wouldn't be in Singapore. And I would be in actual fact, a spoilt brat. Loss can really teach a man, how life really is. I was living the high life, private school, private condo, about 10 dollars a day for school.

What more could I ask for?

The fact is, if a rich man, was too turn poor and lose everything, he would probably be unable to do anything, but in the case of a poor man, turning rich and if he, later on lost everything, he would be able to survive, why?
That's because he knows how to save his money, spend less, and there's much more. In other words he would be what is known as "Street Smart".

Someone I hardly knew, had to tell me, that life really isn't a bed of roses. But the truth is the more I think about it, eventhough my dad had to take all the pain. Im grateful this happened to me now. I learnt how to deal with loss and how to handle life when one is in a helpless situation.

Without this knowledge, say we were still good, I carried on living like that, later on in my adult life if I suffered something like this it could have been catastrophic.

So this was gods plan I guess, he knows what's best for us and he knows when to do it. That's the beauty of the way he works. Although we may not be able to see the results at the time we are in need, we will see it sooner or later.

As the saying goes "God works in mysterious ways".

AngeluS- Angel In The Dark

Plan and purpose....

2006-02-26T01:27:00.000+08:00

Our plan and purpose is something which we can never determine. We could get straight A's and end up working for the sanitation company as a plumber.

The o'levels are actually only a simple stepping stone for us. It doesnt mean the rest of our future is dependant on our results, whether we do badly or really well there is always a future for us.
Well in my case, i realised that i worry to much. But the fact is, we gotta leave it to God. He plans our future. He knows what we are going to do even after reading this sentence.

Have you ever had that moment where you wonder, "What really am i here for?" or "Why am i still here, have i done everything there is to do?" and when you have everything, you would be like,"Is there more to life?"

I dont really have the answer to any of those questions, in my case i live from day to day, i dont really think about what im going to do tomorrow. So my purpose changes on a daily basis, but there will always be our main purpose, which none of us know.

I guess the only solution i can provide is being patient and taking your time. Don't worry about what is going to happen tomorrow, because anything could happen.
Take your time, and enjoy life in a positive manner, not doing things like drinking, smoking and clubbing. I mean something meaningful, maybe helping out a friend in need or even staying at home and spending time with your parents.

We got our lives ahead of us, we just have to take it a day at a time.

AngeluS- Angel In The Dark

To my friend Charan.

The Valentine Gift from the Heart

2006-02-17T14:14:00.000+08:00

Why does thou deny me?

I promise you forever love,
Unlike the monsoon rains,
yet,
Why does thou deny me?

I would have held your hands and never let you go,
yet,
Why does thou deny me?

I will wait for you till the end of days,
yet,
Why does thou deny me?

My tears flow across my face,
yet,
Why does thou deny me?

I feel for you like none other and give my heart for a smile on your face,
yet,
Why does thou deny me?

A tear from your eyes could turn me to stone, O strike me now ,
with an arrow to my heart, my life,
I give to you.
Now will thou deny me?

imnottall_

Angel In The Dark- AngeluS

Valentines Day..... aint nothing but a commercial cliche...

2006-02-16T01:13:00.000+08:00

Tell me, how many times does a guy tell his girlfriend he loves her, on a normal day?

Okay keep the number in mind, now ask yourself how many times does a guy tell his girl he loves her on valentines day.
See my point?
The fact is Valentines day is the only day when we sense that love is in the air and its literally hanging around every lamp post, street corner and even on television.

I mean, we can love someone the same everyday. But why extra on valentines day?
Is it because television says so, or is it because we grew up thinking its the only day that we can find out if that person loves you.

Its really commercialised nowadays, I mean we look at the msn or yahoo and they have a list of "Things SHE wants" and also "Things HE wants", I mean a top 10 list. Tell me would every guy get the number one gift from his girl?

Typical case, an example of a couple that has been through a couple of years together. She comes along with the list in mind and goes, "Hey sweetheart, Happy Valentines...", the guy goes "Happy valentines, baby, what's this you got me something!, oh yours is a surprise later" he winks with a bit of lust to it, she says "Then I guess you get yours later.."( back of the guys mind, oh man!! What should I do, I didn't buy her anything)
He invites her to have dinner with him later at night and he rushes home. Gets back turns on the computer, MSN/YAHOO, checks out the list and goes,"oh cool, number 1 gift this year, cake mixer, and its on discount I save 95 cents!!, so lucky!!!", he drives down to the store, buys the cake mixer, and rushes home to take a shower and pick her up. He's safe now.

Dinner was over as soon as it had started, and they exchange the gifts, all she wanted was a small pendant or a swarovski crystal. The other side the guy wishes had a ticket to watch the superbowl. They both open the presents, they exchange glances and smiles. "I really don't know what to say" she says, he goes "Its okay honey, go ahead" (he thinks he scored big time).

"well it's really sweet and everything but i already have one",she says, "but darling when did you get one?"

"The truth sweetie, you gave it to me (the guys face goes query-like), last valentines day"she says.

The guy realises he didnt do much harm because he got a shaving razor. "How bout you honey?" she asks..
The guy answers in a frustrated tone,"Oh it's okay sweetie, its just that you bought me the same thing, on new years, christmas and now valentines....."

The couple broke up 2 months later, the end.

My point, it's commercial, and dont name your son frankie.

Dedicated to Alia, my faithful reader..........

Im back, single and loving it..
Angel In The Dark- AngeluS

How many times can we start again. How many times can we turn over a new leaf ?

2006-02-02T00:37:00.000+08:00

We all make mistake. Why?. Thats is because we are human. But the real question is how many times can we make mistakes and get away with it.

Well the answer, we should forgive those who find faults with us because trust me what goes around comes around. One day we may be the one who has to be forgiven for something we have done. And that is when you will be shown the same mercy you gave that person.

But i believe everyone should be forgiven for whatever they do, but the forgiven ones should not take advantage of the fact that they will be forgiven for all their mistakes.

This may be a short post, but its not the length that counts. Its the message im trying to put across, which would be:

"Forgive and Forget".

Angel In The Dark-Angelus

Happy Birthday

2006-01-28T00:50:00.000+08:00

The light of my life was born on this very day exactly 3 years ago. She was a bundle of joy and blessings which had yet to be opened. It was at 7:11 p.m when we heard that my sister had given birth too a beautiful baby girl.

She brought us happiness when we were down. We didn't expect a small baby, not being able to speak or understand anything show us something that we were missing all this time.
This was the first time my sister was at home after many years. We were a whole again. All of us under one roof.
She was born after my fathers amputation and instantly the gloom which once plagued us had gone.

My father even with his disability carried her, gave her showers, dressed her and even fed her.
See my dad had all the experience, he took care of the three of us like we were priceless diamonds.
Diapers and showers, oh and the wonderful home-made baby food!! ( I used to eat the leftovers)

The name of my sweetheart Shauna Anushya, and now shes 3. I wish her all the luck and i send her all my love. I hope in the future when she learns to read, she will see that I will always write something about the girl who made my life complete.

Happy Birthday Shauna, I love you.

The service sector, the truth

2006-01-28T00:41:00.000+08:00

Solitary confinement. Its the term mostly used in prison, right? Apparently not. In my case its a form off punishment i take. Sitting in the house everyday never seeing the sun.

Sorry i am actually over-reacting its not that bad. I'm still waiting for my o'level results and at the same time trying to find a job to help my family out with the expenses. But here's the other part. I CAN'T FIND JOB !!!!!!

I'm serious, but you could say that i am a bit fussy, i mean there's always mcdonalds, but the pay, (expression of disgust) it's exploitation of childrens ability to work hard and impress.
In other words child labour. Yes, believe it or not people child labour is real and its happening right in your very own friendly neighbourhood Mcdonalds.

KFC, our finger looking friends. They ain't any better. In fact they are worse, in comparison to workload that is, but the pay is about the same. The digits for the back breaking labour an average would be a shocking 3.65 (I really did my research)

Basically these are the only places in Singapore that seems to pay like this.

My old work place was not bad, it was 4.50, SUBWAY eat fresh.(I hate it when i do that, I'm not promoting them)
Anyway "eat fresh", who are you guys trying to play. I mean you pay about 5.90 for a foot long sandwich, of course you'll be healthy thats all you probably have for the days meal allowance.
And the meal comes is actually a sandwich and this is the best part, either a bag of LAYS chips or a brownie or two cookies of your choice, and finally the grand finale a regular SOFT DRINK.
Tell me have we been cheated?

So why do we believe them, publicity or the promise of work experience in the service sector?
Only they know.

There are many more secrets to the service industry, but i will not tell, soon my friends, remember the truth is out there.........

When love and religion cross paths..........

2006-01-25T18:57:00.000+08:00

The word is simple devastation, why does such a clash have to occur?
Is it a test from above. To check, what i feel is important, or is it one of those crossraods in life where we just have to stop and think, whether any of the other roads will be the best for us.

This is where love blinds ones heart. Love is a feeling like no other it plays with all our senses at the same time. We can smell, taste, feel, hear and see the ones that we love. But should we allow love to blind us and make decisions that may later hurt us or cause the loss of something else that is dear too us.

I am in a quagmire and i havent figured out a way to get out of it.

There is also no way you can be with someone who does not believe in something you have come too love after going through so much, something that was the pole in the ground that helped you to stand all this time.

What does a man without answers to do when he comes to the crossroad?

If he does not move he will not grow in life. He takes a stand and he makes a decision, and his consience will tell him the right path to take. And his actions will show people the true man that he will grow up to me.

I fell in love and now im confused. Confused because there is a feeling deep in my heart that tells me that what i am feeling is not wrong, but will be the cause of a great loss.

Confused and only one person has the answer and it is none other than me.
The descision lies within my heart..........

"Cial and seh, words used in everyday life." You cant be serious !!!!

2006-01-13T23:27:00.000+08:00

"Cial" and "seh", let me see, hmm. Okay these words for you foreigners out there, are malay words used as suffixes too every sentence that comes out of the mouth of a local singaporean youth. Weird huh??.

I find it a very addictive piece of vocab. I see myself using it alot lately when i'm out with my friends. It gets really irritating but it has managed to intergrate with my system.

The word "cial", (according to my friend RIL) means stupid, but seeing the way its used, it seems to be more of a full stop to most sentences.

One thing i do realise is the word really brings out the spirit of multi-racialism in Singapore as we can see the many races using it. It really makes one proud to be part of this country, i think?
The word "seh" on the other hand, i really have no idea ( i swear). But its another one of those words, par example, the word "mah" or "lor" (off chinese origin, these are famous). "seh" sounds the best in the form of a query. Something like "why seh?", sounds familiar?

I really dont want to bombinate futher on this topic. My question: Should it be stopped or will it become an essential part of singaporean life ?

Fresh start

2006-01-07T14:59:00.000+08:00

Since, I started the new year on a good note, so shall this blog. I will post arguable and controversial topics that plague our youth and life as we know it !!!. I would love to have your comments and ideas for new topics.
Thanks.
AngeluS

My life is in shambles, dont you think?

2006-01-04T12:57:00.000+08:00

Can life be nice to me even once ?.That is the question i always ask myself, yet i never was able to answer it.
I turned to friends for an answer but got nothing, i didnt really want to ask anyone in my family. We were going through alot, why add to the burden.
I didnt have anyone special in my life, not until shauna (my niece) came along. In a way she was a blessing in disguise. She exchanged our tears for smiles and after some time nothing mattered.
We went through alot moving around. As for myself my dad put me in an international school everywhere that we went. He used all his income and savings to educate my sister and myself. He never really thought about himself, he was diabetic from a very young age and that meant there was alot of suffering to come.
My dad faced multiple heart blockages and underwent a bypass. Then he had a kidney failure after which he went for dialysis and later on a transplant. About two years ago a gangrene infected his leg and he had to take it off. We thought all our problems were over.

We moved to Singapore and started all over again. We took an apartment, and again my dad put my brother in a private school. Myself; I was about to finish my o'levels in malaysia with just 3 more months to go. But i had to leave. So i came to Singapore with the notion that i could finish the remainding 3 months. But i could not. I had to do local school and start back 2 years.
Why? because i was too young. Come on !!

I joined local school and realise it wasnt really that bad, the people were more down to earth and friendly.
I studied for a year before my dad got sick again. He went to India for his medical treatment and came back after about a month. He got back to find out that he was laid off. Thats when we left our apartment and moved into my grandmas apartment with some other tenant . Until we were back on our feet, we could not afford to get a place of our own.

We stayed there and underwent alot of scrutiny from the family, with my aunts and uncles critisizing the fact that we did not think of our future and now we were in a sticky situation.
My family stayed there until 2 months ago when we finally go a new place. Its nothing much just a two room apartment but its okay. Immediately after we got the house and thought our problems were over, my dad fell seriously ill. This time we realised it was bad. With the little money that my father had made with his business, he flew to India. When he got there i received a dreadful call that i would never forget in my entire life. It was my mum, crying. My dad was in a critical condition and his leg had to be amputated, that meant that both legs were gone, he could never walk. Too add to the pain even after the amputation he would only have a 50% chance of living.
I cried like never before, and my o'levels had just begun. I was in the middle of the deciding factor of my life but i was about to lose the most important in mine. I wanted to drop everything to be with him, but he still told me that if anything were to happen to him he would want me to finish it.
I held back my tears and i remained in Singapore to complete my papers. One night after a gruelling wait, the phone rang. He had pulled through the operation. I was the happiest person in the world at that point of time.
I thanked god for he had answered my prayers in my time of need. Then my friend who was with me during the whole nightmare, i could never show how much gratitude i had for him.

Now we are on the road to recovery, its a long way back, with a few bumps here and there but thats life. But as i write this, i realise my life isn't that bad. After all, i did have a wonderful school life, lots of wonderful schoolmates and the best friend a guy could ask for.

I hope whoever reads this realises that life is not something we should take for granted, it is something we should cherish and if possible made memorable.

AngeluS

Hi

2006-01-03T20:33:00.000+08:00

This is the first time im doing this i guess, its kinda cool. this is for all my friends and family here in singapore and overseas.