The beginning of a novel, the end of a dream...

Lips of an angel

The story is about a boy and a girl. The boy, one who wanted life just to go like everyone else’s, the girl was the same. They were the best match, no one could say otherwise. But like they say, one could never be with the one person they truly love…..

He never really had what he called his ideal life. By the age of 17 he just about experienced life in the lowest point possible, yet again and again he pushed on, never giving up, with the hope that there was a good time, something wonderful coming his way.

He was tall, not the best looking of the lot, people said he had good character, and sometimes they just enjoyed the company. He was the most sociable of the lot, he just started his first year in the local polytechnic/ college, pursuing his diploma in a course he wasn’t even qualified for, but yes, it was a good one, one a lot of people had a tough time getting into.

There came a point in his life when he had to give up, everything. It was for the better, he was a monster, a sinner and a “boy”, suffering made him the man who stood before her today.

He wasn’t really interested in love before, he had the responsibilities that a normal 17 year old would die handling. But in his heart he desires, for someone to love, to hold. A person to say “I Love You”, when he was alone, something a family could not give, because it was a special love, a love for someone apart from family. He wanted her to make him feel as if someone else at that very moment was thinking about him.

He had many friends; one which he really was the closest too was his long time and best friend, Ruben. They were what we could call, the inseparable duo. No matter what the situation was they were side by side, all the way. Through hard times he was always there for him, and now, one thing stood between them, a girl. Now he was alone, and he felt it.

She cried, he couldn’t do nothing, would anyone understand the pain he went through, seeing the person he cared for, the person he loved cry, on his shoulder. The truth was they weren’t that much different. In fact, they both led lives alike, but only they knew how it felt, the joy they had from making others happy, the smile on the faces of friends and family gave them some joy, it was better than nothing.

All he knew at that moment, he loved her so much. Did she see it? He cried inside so hard, he heard her heart, beat in his ears and he shared the tears of her eyes, as if it were his, the feeling he could not explain, never would he be able to do that.

What happened after he cried and he prayed, and he still didn’t know what was wrong. He felt her pain, because it was his pains, the tears made his heart feel, once again, something he had promised never to do, disappointment after disappointment, one Love he searched his world for but could not find, was know on his shoulders, crying. Tears on his fingers, he kissed them, and he could taste, feel, the pain. The pain, which he did not know what off, but was something, he had before. For once he knew, in his heart how I felt to be in Love, he didn’t let her go, in fact, his love for her only grew, and it only hurt him more, to think about pushing her away.

Was there any word to describe the feeling of love, never, not ever? It was a word that was never explained, because of its complexity. And now, for once in his life, he had the answer, on his shoulder.
She had a secret, something that he had sensed from the beginning, something he thought he could handle, but when he looked into, her beautiful brown eyes, all he saw was pain, something he had already gone through, something he couldn’t bear to see her take. It hurt her inside, so bad,


He wrote her a letter, trying, to somehow, do something, just to let her know how much, how deeply in love he really was with her.


Sorry sweetheart, I care about you so much that I couldn’t keep you up so long. I really wanted to know something, if u didn’t meet him would u have been with me? Right now, the major pain I’m feeling is why I didn’t find you sooner. I want you to know that I love you, and even if you wouldn’t have, I would have really got to you no matter what it took.
Just wanted u should know that, sometimes I wish, something magical would happen, like a fairy tale, where I could just sweep you of your feet and take you in my arms far away. And I guess I still have the hope that one day, I might be with you, no matter what you say to the girl you want to be with, you love her, and you would do anything to get her, even take all the pain.



She made it so hard to be faithful, to his promise, to be friends. That was something they both wanted because it wasn’t easy to let go, to let go of what they both could have had. What happened after, he wanted to control, but could he?

The dilemma; he found the girl of his dreams, the one he wanted to be with. He loves her, and he knows even though she denies it, she does too. They were separated by one person, something he now blamed himself for.
Questions ran through his head, why won’t she just come to me now? Why didn’t I find her sooner, but he didn’t want her to leave her boyfriend, because he knew that he got to her first, and he cared about her. What was he, what could he ever be to her.

That was why that night, he looked up at the stars and he wondered, he wondered until he finally saw…. What he saw, we shall not say, not for now at least….

Hey, been awhile im back, and i feel like a kid again...

ZOO!!

No i am not kidding, i swear my first trip, to the night safari, i had "THE" best time i have ever had since i came to this god forsaken country.
It was cool, went with my church counterpart. Wondering why, i calleth him my, "counterpart". His name is Mark.
No its not lame, accept it, its the way i think.

Going on i found the worlds biggest rip off, yeah, and it has a catchy restaurant name, "BONGO BURGER". I like the name, first we laughed our freaking heads off, then later on we actually found out that it was named after an animal, a bongo, looks like a fat donkey with horns (yeah, now laugh).
Thinking about it now, that burger didnt taste like beef........

And now my story begins, but i think we'll skip the boring parts, and get to the juicy one. It goes like this. I forced mark to walk all the way across the zoo to see the bush baby right and we get there almost 2 hours later yeah, all tired but i mean, its a bushbaby (freaking cute).
We get there and the container or "display cabinet" is empty so i say to myself. Hey why dont we say a small prayer.
I start with the prayer and i go;

Dear God, pls make one of those bushbabies come out, we walked all the way, and you know i am with good company, will you please send one out, pretty please...


And then I promised ill let alot of people know how faithful you are in answering prayers. So as I go on mark sees me and he goes, dude, let me pray with you as well..

We pray, and we go on for about 3 minutes max and out of the blue, I look at the corner yeah, infront of jap tourist and an english couple, i mean i didnt really care. And from the corner guess what comes out? Yes, I shout hallelujah, a bush baby pops out the corner
And i'm like dear god and there we both stand petrified and we are like dude god is so cool.

And that wasnt the amazing part, here it comes. The littles one comes right up in front of us, i mean like 3 freaking centimetres, separated by a piece of glass. It gets closer has a bite to eat and drinks some water from little bowl. Then he jumps on a branch touching the window
and he sees me and mark on our knees and he looks me in the eye, as if he knows i asked for him. And it looks and looks with those eyes, he gets closer and he arches his little bottom up in the air and then i ask him;

"hey little one,wanna pop in my bag, or can i take a photo?"

And he looks at me , then mark and from the branch he jumps about 6 feet into the air and onto a branch and back into the dark.
I swear it was freakin amazing to find is in there, i mean it was a big tank, sorry "display cabinet", and one small little creature.

I even wrote this whole entry like a kid, my standard freaking dropped, well i guess i do feel like a kid again.....

AngeluS

Follow your heart..

To the white rose, u aint a black rose, you bring smiles, happiness, not darkness or fear.

don't dwell in the past, it may haunt us, we all know it bites us back hard. There were, and are times in my life, when it comes back at me. It hits hard, and it affects what we do, for our future.

We could never love a person the same, it hurts too much to let go of the last person that made an impact on our life. They cant get out, people say let go, I say hold on, inside, one day, you'll forget them..

One wish, put things right, if only time will allow. There's so many things I want to say, but will it make a difference?, will it change the way you feel?

If you love him, hold him close, he doesn't have to know, not know, not till you are ready.

Drop the black rose, in the grave, bury it.

You have another rose, not in you, it is you, and its white, to the core.

You may never realize how special you are, until someone tells you, how much you really mean to them, how much they love you.

Follow your heart, keep you're wish, inside, hold on too it tight, never lose yourself in your feelings, I'm too afraid cause I have, I cant find myself again. If you do, only the person you truly love can take you out.

This is for you, rose amongst the thorns.

Hope you'll understand.

AngeluS- Angel In The Dark

Was it the end?

Im only 17 I got loads of time. But do you really want to give up, after waiting for someone like that for 5 whole years, where there's never a day, where you feel somewhere in this globe is actually looking at the same star in the sky and wondering where you were.(eventhough they didn't know you)

There was always the chance of having someone for myself,but I never did, that's because I choose to believe that I only wanted to be with one girl in my life, and I thought I found her and I still think I do.

there's so many things I want to say but you know the position I am in,you know how she treats me now, even if I treat her as my friend we cannot hide the past, it will always haunt me and remind her.

Somewhere inside me I knew that it was too good to be true, how could we put things back to the way it was, when It was obvious that I was madly in love with that person.

She couldn't forget it, she didn't ignore me because she had a mood swing, she was frustrated. The way I acted, what was wrong, how would you feel if the person you loved just disappeared for almost a week. I missed her so much she could not even come close to figuring out.
In her absence I mentioned her name every 5 minutes. I thought about her all the time, she was always on my mind.
Everytime I felt her cry I brought me one step closer to my heart,just one more tear down my cheek.

I was just overjoyed to see her.

Yes it was a heartache and it always will be, but like Karl said life is never the way we want it.
Everytime I close my eyes I pray to the lord that I can be with her, even for a second, just a small chance, know what its like to be with the girl of my dreams.

We may never be together as one or even as friends, maybe its over, I guess it is......

Twas tis day

When i realised that it was very deep, something i couldn't control anymore. Her grief brought tears to my eyes.
I dont care if he had her heart, she lost her smile, i lost mine.

Time?, will it heal this heart, I can only pray.

I can only pray for her while she cries, and my heart... where does it go...

Back to the dark, never will i open it up again, this is a promise.

Only she can,

twas tis day.

Never again,

The last breathe


Angelus- Angel In The Dark

She was just a girl in class, an ordinary girl.

I couldn't believe myself, I broke my promise. "Never again will I fall in love". I didn't even know that I had done it.

"She was just a girl in class, an ordinary girl."

Nothing was appealing about her, except the fact that she sent a strange feeling. A message of grief. A look of distress.

"She was just a girl in class, an ordinary girl."

We finally spoke and she started to mix with us . I took her as a friend as she took me as a friend as well.
Deep inside, my heart longed for her, so much......., longed for someone like her.....

Yet I didn't know, she took my breath away with all her smiles, her personality and most of all. Her eyes. She had the eyes of an angel.

But,"She was just a girl in class, an ordinary girl."

She listened and she cared, I took it the wrong way, but why did I?

Is it the fact that I never had someone who showed care on this forsaken world?

She asked me, and that's when I realise how much she meant to me, I was madly in love, more than ever before. She was the one I was looking for, the years of waiting was over.

Now, "She was a girl in class, an extraordinary one."

After that, I couldn't even look into her eyes, I felt the pain, she belonged to someone else. Someone else had her heart, we could never be.

I cried till I could no more, I found her, but I could never be with her. But was it really love, we only knew each 4 days, that's what she probably felt.
But I say now, it was. Straight from the bottom of my heart, a dark cold place, now made warm, and empty.

I want her so badly, and I would wait till the end of time if I could. It was so deep. For now, how could I face her, how could I look into her eyes, how could I lie......
I never want to hurt her, I never wanted to confuse her. But the more I think about it, even if she had belonged to no one, would I have taken her.
She is the one I want to be with many years down the road, am I willing to screw up half way, and end up losing what I always wanted?, or do I just sit in the corner and watch the world go past. If I cant have her. Its ok, if she's happy then her smiles will bring to my heart, warmth. But her fears, her grief, her tears, it will tear me apart.

It hurts so much, too much.

Will I ever let her go?

One last breathe.

Angelus- Angel In the Dark

I found her

She took my breath away, with her slender body and her soft skin took my breath away. She moved so fast and she took my breath away in a second. Left me speechless for moments at a time.

Dudes and dudettes, she aint no girl. She my acer aspire 5500z and I love her to the max. So hot. Yes I officially bought my laptop. April 14th good Friday. A day that will live in infamy.(just kiddin)

Anyways, this is one piece of solid hardware people. I mean I got a 256mb ati radeon 1300x graphic card and and 1 gb of ram. Shes purrfect.

Anyways don't want to write a laptop review. Firstly I gotta thank god for all the good things hes done for me. So thank you (ain't enough I know).

School. Starts on Monday. So far so cool, I mean made new friends, Karl, zul, farhan, nessa and samantha (tough cookie, but actually really soft in the centre, like one of those homemade choco-chip muffins). Karl, well funny and cool, and we are so gonna rock the class on Monday.
Apart from that Nessa wants the toilet all the time and she loves to attempt to murder me.
Farhan, zul. Kinda quiet, for now.

Another cool part, yes people, Ruben is in the same school as moi.( j'aime ).

And yeah guess that's all, got to turn in. Church tomorrow as well as Sunday, then MONDAY.
I mean it feels like going to school for the first time. (remember first day of primary school?)


Okay before I go on boring anyone further. Good night and god bless


AngeluS